Saturday, March 2, 2019


Sunshine. Blue sky. Cheap high. Lullaby.

The street shines with a thin layer of fresh rain and the blurry reflections of headlights. A girl on the sidewalk vacantly stares into oncoming traffic, hoping her bus will arrive soon. She focuses on the sights and the smells and the sounds around her to keep her brain from drifting. Glowing streetlights and store signs fill the darkness with a hazy sense of life. Don't go there. The neutral scent of wet sidewalks floats past her nose. Think about something else. Quickly. A woman detailing the events of her day into her cell phone breaks up the crackling whooshes of cars driving over pavement. I'm begging you not to obsess over this. She feels a sting in her eyes as the thoughts she's desperately trying to avoid flood her head space. Why do you always do this? Slowly, she swipes the back of her index finger under her right eye as she stands up a little straighter--refocusing her attention to oncoming traffic and hoping that her bus will arrive soon. Why does he keep doing this? Rain patters gently on the sidewalk, and a man pushing a shopping cart full of blankets and jackets stops to sit on the bench a few feet away. How did I come to let his past affect me this much? The stinging returns with greater intensity. The bus finally pulls up, so she pulls her bus pass out of her jacket pocket and makes her way towards the door. I'll always be the one who could never compare, won't I? She swipes her bus pass and walks towards the back of the bus, tears rolling down her cheeks as she sits down. Everything hurts.

My best habit's letting you down.

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Just some stream of consciousness. Also "My Best Habit" is a fantastic song by The Maine.

<Lucy Cartin